When my daughter was younger, she would love to stand in the butterfly garden at Bristol Zoo, watching the butterflies swishing past her upturned face. She would reach her hand towards them, as if wanting to stroke them, or perhaps hoping they would land on her arm so she could see them up close.
Sometimes she would follow a butterfly deeper into the garden, watching as it fluttered into the trees or landed on the feeding table. At other times I would lift her to my shoulder, and she would gaze around with wide eyes as the butterflies floated around her head.
Now imagine there is another butterfly garden. The garden of memory. It is a beautiful place inside you, where every butterfly is a memory or emotion you can stand and watch. Perhaps you want to follow one deeper, to see where it leads. Or perhaps you only want to take in the beauty of the garden for a while, before you head back out to the real world.
My butterfly garden is full of memories of my late wife, Charlotte. She died of cancer, in 2013, at just 33 years old, when our daughter was nineteen months old. But my memories of Charlotte, and my love for her, live on inside this garden. I visit them often, and I remember the times we shared, both good and bad.
Each month on this blog, I’m intending to post a song, with lyrics, which I have written and recorded. Each song is like a butterfly representing an emotion or a memory from my time with Charlotte, as a boyfriend, husband, and dad, but also from my recent times coping as a widower and widowed parent.
Over time, I hope the songs will collect to form a butterfly garden here on this blog. For those of you who have also become widowers or widows at a young age, I hope you might find the songs helpful to listen to. For those who haven’t been bereaved in this way, I hope it may help you to understand a little better what we go through in our grief journey.
The quality of the recordings might be a bit rough and ready to begin with. As an only parent who is also working as a teacher, I’m trying to juggle quite a lot already! But I’m hoping to get some proper equipment sorted soon – I literally played this live into a voice app on my phone just to get myself started.
Still, I hope you enjoy it, or that it might be meaningful to you. The first song is titled ‘The Butterfly Garden’ and here it is:
‘The Butterfly Garden’
Lyrics to ‘The Butterfly Garden’
~
I’ve been searching for you, hoping to find you,
And give you all the love I have,
Ever since we’ve lost you, my mind is reaching for you,
Remembering good times we had.
~
Memories of you run around my mind,
Like a million beautiful butterflies,
Here as the garden sun fades to evening light,
I just wish you could be here with me again,
I wish you could be here with me again…
~
I’m looking for the stories here in your belongings,
All the toys that made your daughter smile,
I’m staring at a photo on the mantlepiece, we looked so young,
As we gazed into each other’s eyes.
~
Memories of you run around my mind,
Like a million beautiful butterflies,
Here as the garden sun fades to evening light,
I just wish you could be here with me again,
I wish you could be here with me again,
Really wish you could be here with me again…
I wish you could be here with me again…
~
The Butterfly Garden 
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